Ego. He comes suddenly & boldly. He only cares about survival. No matter how petty the issue may seem to another or how great it is. We always point out ego in others but do we take a serious look at how it shows up in ourselves? Ego will change how we see something just so we can tolerate what we are seeing or experiencing. Once we expand our awareness about a belief, a perspective, or an outlook, we can see all the ways ego was giving us illusions.
In the past, I would sometimes hinder myself from posting stuff cause i'd say to myself.
"oh you being extra, or that's too much you need to scale back some" -the voices in my head from various sources that i accepted as true.
The me that patterns(ego mind), thinks this is for my protection by feeding me these "warnings." "You don't want people to think this &that about you & then discredit what you have to say. Ultimately, hindering what your original purpose is...which feels like life or death to us if I don't fulfill my purpose, " whatever the heck that is...
That's how childish ego can be when it translates to me. The secret here is there is actually an energy wanting to express itself here and I'm resisting it because of my ego.
You ever look at someone and say... that is a grown person but they act like such a child? That's cause they are in pure, rudimentary, singular functioning survival based ego. Children are just becoming aware of themselves and they are trying to figure out their relation to the world. It really doesn't change when we get older accept that it is less accepted as an excuse. They haven't developed awareness of who they are yet separate from their ego. Neither has the adult who acts like a child.
I remember distinctively where a pattern was cultivated in my childhood. However the root of the fear transcends beyond this lifetime for me where the experience was actually life or death.
The mind pattern that was cultivated out of a lack of awareness, has kept me from enjoying the process. I have limited & censored myself & my content consistently. Perfectionism to overuse of energy & procrastination, to just not showing up. Ultimately, hiding myself from you.
Ya'll I censored in such subtle ways. From how much I'd edit a post to throwing out a whole video cause I didn't like one sentence & maybe that meant I was in complete ego & not spirit. Or I'd be in a silly energy & keep it to myself because maybe it's too silly or you wouldn't get it or you would judge me for my humor.
I even started demonizing social media, while being drawn right back after fasting! Now, If I go back to a man over and over either my boundaries need to expand, he got that big D energy and/or I have something to learn abt myself!
So either way those are great benefits for my process! No need to demonize. Analyze it for my benefits not for expectation of pain.
But really the pain I was avoiding, was showing up as social anxiety. It was about a fear of others reacting negatively to the authentic me & ultimately me feeling rejected & misunderstood.
I realized my ego was causing me to feel the need to "protect myself" from death due to misunderstanding. A beautiful soul reminded me, and i quote.
"A free woman is a misunderstood woman. A true woman is a wild being. Both of which are true lol, but so what? The world needs to meet true and free women. See the women cry, throw emotional tantrums, care and love their community, feel fear, embrace creation and creativity, support each other’s expression, talent and power. "
Ive seen glimpses of the wild woman in me but I have trapped her in the web of ego. I've unlocked the door to set her free! I just might need to remind her sometimes that she is free!
I don't need to survive, I need to LIVE! So if it means allowing my skin to shed, and emerging from the deaths of that skin so that I may love & live then so be it. The skins are the faulty beliefs that are no longer working for me. They are the beliefs I formed that helped me a time or two, but are no longer useful. I'm willing to see all aspects of me. Even what seems ugly & basic to me. Those basic seeming things reveal a much bigger pic... That is the process of accepting & being aware of ego.
So, I urge you to ask yourself, "In what ways am I allowing ego to distract me from experiencing life harmony & deep fulfillment?
La'Sage is an a Spiritual Author, Artist, & Holistic Wellness Practitioner that loves finding creative ways to express herself and seeks to share her spiritual view on practical matters.