Ego. He comes suddenly & boldly. He only cares about survival. No matter how petty the issue may seem to another or how great it is. We always point out ego in others but do we take a serious look at how it shows up in ourselves? Ego will change how we see something just so we can tolerate what we are seeing or experiencing. Once we expand our awareness about a belief, a perspective, or an outlook, we can see all the ways ego was giving us illusions.

In the past, I would sometimes hinder myself from posting stuff cause i'd say to myself.
"oh you being extra, or that's too much you need to scale back some" -the voices in my head from various sources that i accepted as true.

The me that patterns(ego mind), thinks this is for my protection by feeding me these "warnings." "You don't want people to think this &that about you & then discredit what you have to say. Ultimately, hindering what your original purpose is...which feels like life or death to us if I don't fulfill my purpose, " whatever the heck that is...

That's how childish ego can be when it translates to me. The secret here is there is actually an energy wanting to express itself here and I'm resisting it because of my ego.

You ever look at someone and say... that is a grown person but they act like such a child? That's cause they are in pure, rudimentary, singular functioning survival based ego. Children are just becoming aware of themselves and they are trying to figure out their relation to the world. It really doesn't change when we get older accept that it is less accepted as an excuse. They haven't developed awareness of who they are yet separate from their ego. Neither has the adult who acts like a child.

I remember distinctively where a pattern was cultivated in my childhood. However the root of the fear transcends beyond this lifetime for me where the experience was actually life or death.

The mind pattern that was cultivated out of a lack of awareness, has kept me from enjoying the process. I have limited & censored myself & my content consistently. Perfectionism to overuse of energy & procrastination, to just not showing up. Ultimately, hiding myself from you.

Ya'll I censored in such subtle ways. From how much I'd edit a post to throwing out a whole video cause I didn't like one sentence & maybe that meant I was in complete ego & not spirit. Or I'd be in a silly energy & keep it to myself because maybe it's too silly or you wouldn't get it or you would judge me for my humor.

I even started demonizing social media, while being drawn right back after fasting! Now, If I go back to a man over and over either my boundaries need to expand, he got that big D energy and/or I have something to learn abt myself!

So either way those are great benefits for my process! No need to demonize. Analyze it for my benefits not for expectation of pain.

But really the pain I was avoiding, was showing up as social anxiety. It was about a fear of others reacting negatively to the authentic me & ultimately me feeling rejected & misunderstood.

I realized my ego was causing me to feel the need to "protect myself" from death due to misunderstanding. A beautiful soul reminded me, and i quote.

"A free woman is a misunderstood woman. A true woman is a wild being. Both of which are true lol, but so what? The world needs to meet true and free women. See the women cry, throw emotional tantrums, care and love their community, feel fear, embrace creation and creativity, support each other’s expression, talent and power. "

Ive seen glimpses of the wild woman in me but I have trapped her in the web of ego. I've unlocked the door to set her free! I just might need to remind her sometimes that she is free!

I don't need to survive, I need to LIVE! So if it means allowing my skin to shed, and emerging from the deaths of that skin so that I may love & live then so be it. The skins are the faulty beliefs that are no longer working for me.  They are the beliefs I formed that helped me a time or two, but are no longer useful.  I'm willing to see all aspects of me. Even what seems ugly & basic to me. Those basic seeming things reveal a much bigger pic... That is the process of accepting & being aware of ego.

So, I urge you to ask yourself, "In what ways am I allowing ego to distract me from experiencing life harmony & deep fulfillment?

When I remember to pay attention to the communication that comes from nature it always brings me wonderful insights and I don’t always choose to share, but I remember that my journey is not only for me, but it helps others as well. Our first reaction when we see a bug is to kill it, what if it's coming to show us something? It almost certainly is communicating something with you, if it's not something you are used to seeing or it effects you. Like if something shows itself to you, then there is something to see. Bugs are always hanging around our houses but they don’t always make themselves known, there are so many hiding spots, bugs know that we have made them the enemy and are ready to kill on sight! It's even been studied that animals can smell the scent of dead insects, so they avoid that particular area as a defense mechanism. It's like they are literally smelling fear so they go the other way. Just like we smell death of our own, they smell the death of their own.

So… Instead of rushing to kill the critter that was walking towards me, I decided to embrace it, and ask it what it came to tell me. This little silverfish came in the middle of my video that I was recording and I decided to pause and see what it came to say. Did I hear anything when I asked? Nope, the message actually came to me more by impulse. I started talking about the meaning behind sexual assault and rape and knowing it is a triggering topic to talk about, so I almost didn’t talk about it. I almost turned the video off, I even said my goodbyes, but then I felt there was more, so I continued and then at the end I was led to say very empowering words. You can watch the video below if you want to know more about the value of knowing and recognizing opportunities of your personal power being revealed to you, as well as hear what I said about sexual assault & rape, I only discuss sexual assault towards the latter end though.

The videos I have been doing lately have come with omens "interrupting" my videos to bring me confirming messages and I welcome them now! Understanding that everything in the universe is connected and everything is perfect, it helps me embrace the things around me no matter how big or small, which is another omen that came to me, you can click here to see the Vermillion Flycatcher omen.

So what about this SilverFish Omen?? "Before we worry too much about the spiritual meanings associated with silverfish, we should probably establish what the heck they are. Well, it might surprise you to learn that they’re insects which means they’re more closely related to things like ladybugs and beetles than they are centipedes. They’re a primitive insect though. This means that they evolved early and retained features more akin to the early insects. For example, silverfish don’t have wings whereas most insects do." This website talks all about the SilverFish and the different possible meanings, but one meaning stuck out to me. I resonated with a similar meaning on another website that I didn’t remember to bookmark, however this site was also perfect confirmation.

If you just look at what the silverfish is, you can find meaning in just seeing what it is. For example, the site describes them as primative, yet they evolved early but retained features akin to early insects; well, if that is metaphorical it would say to me that they bring ancient wisdom with them yet also evolved wisdom. S&S(symbolsandsynchronicity.com) says, "The silverfish foretells the release of information and knowledge to you. This is especially true of secrets. Whether the revealing of secrets is good or bad really depends though, doesn’t it? Silverfish also represent the ability to overcome your foes with agility, speed, and mental acuity."

So what does this have to do with me? I have consistently feared giving misinformation because giving misinformation would mean that I am leading someone with the wrong information and also egotistically speaking, they would figure out everything I was saying wrong and it would distract from all of the truths that I was sharing, ultimately leading them to disregard anything I say (old stuff, old conditions I perceived from how I was treated, constantly being dismissed as if I didn’t bring value. Knowing what I know now, I look at how I was treated as perfection in the universe in helping me to remember and understand my value comes from me and not from outside of me). I am remembering to humble myself and allow myself to be wrong, allow myself to just show up. My inner guru knew my habits that were leading me away from my power, so it reminded me in many ways and it continues to remind me. This silverfish showed up at a moment that I was about to shut my mouth and not share the wisdom that was imparted upon me. S&S says, " Well, if you are the keeper of old and esoteric knowledge then it’s important to remember to share that wisdom. Perhaps you should write a website documenting something that could be forgotten otherwise."

I don’t know about you but that was pretty obvious to me the timing and everything. The other source, that I can't seem to find again in my history, talked in further detail about the silverfish meaning a secret or secret knowledge was about to be revealed or being revealed. S&S refers to this by mentioning, "they [silverfish] like to crack open old secrets and leave the pages falling all over the floor." Seeing as I was about to talk about a triggering topic like sexual assault, rape and reveal an esoteric secret about the meaning behind it, it is definitely metaphorical.

As always I'm just a reminder for you to remember who you are and your connectedness to the universe and your oneness with all that is around you.

My husband and I came up with "me days" so that we can maintain some type of sanity with a screaming yet sweet as ever toddler and an opinionated and strong minded 10yr old. Both of them are powerful and insightful and they chose us to help them to cultivate that power, so I am grateful, HOWEVER, I do need my "me time." So I chose to go to the park and lay a blanket out and soak in some vitamin D, do some yoga, "hug" a tree, enjoy nature and all of peace of the space that I was in. A red bird flew up over me in circles, and for a moment I thought it was a hummingbird, the wings were swinging around so fast, then it sat on a branch and it was like the bird was just staring at me, I spoke to it and normally if I take a picture the birds fly away. Not this one. It was like it was posing for the camera! Haha!
​

I don’t know much about the types of birds so im assuming we are in arizona so I'm like, "maybe it’s a cardinal." I stared at it for a while, I asked it what it was trying to say to me. As usual, I don’t hear an answer in my head, but yet I am led to act out what it is saying to me, only because I'm in a state of beingness and following what comes to me. My intuitive impulse was to pay attention to the nature around me and enjoy the oneness. Like I decided to record a video, but before then I was overthinking about what I'd do the video about, I looked around and I immediately felt Source run through my veins. I felt chills all over my body and that calming sensation I always get when I am connected. It's orgasmic I tell you! I looked around and noticed all of the different butterflies and moths. I noticed other flying creatures I couldn't quite make out. One was really huge with a thick black muscular like body it was almost bat like, but it was colorful, I couldn't grab a picture of it because I was in the moment. I was just enjoying everything around me. It was like I was in a zone and just taking it all in. I was grateful for the moment. I felt good. I felt joy. From this space I turned the camera on and began to record not knowing what I would talk about. I was no longer overthinking. I was no longer trying to come up with a topic. I was just in a state of beingness. In the middle of my video a dog breaks free from it's human parents and comes straight towards me. We established that there was a spiritual reason why the dog chose to run to me full speed as I had no food, nor was I the only one anymore in the whole park. I was talking about our personal power and how we don't need to seek power outside of us. I was…well you can watch the video and you can see how divine the moment was for yourself.

I don’t know much about the types of birds so im assuming we are in arizona so I'm like, "maybe it’s a cardinal." I stared at it for a while, I asked it what it was trying to say to me. As usual, I don’t hear an answer in my head, but yet I am led to act out what it is saying to me, only because I'm in a state of beingness and following what comes to me. My intuitive impulse was to pay attention to the nature around me and enjoy the oneness. Like I decided to record a video, but before then I was overthinking about what I'd do the video about, I looked around and I immediately felt Source run through my veins. I felt chills all over my body and that calming sensation I always get when I am connected. It's orgasmic I tell you! I looked around and noticed all of the different butterflies and moths. I noticed other flying creatures I couldn't quite make out. One was really huge with a thick black muscular like body it was almost bat like, but it was colorful, I couldn't grab a picture of it because I was in the moment. I was just enjoying everything around me. It was like I was in a zone and just taking it all in. I was grateful for the moment. I felt good. I felt joy. From this space I turned the camera on and began to record not knowing what I would talk about. I was no longer overthinking. I was no longer trying to come up with a topic. I was just in a state of beingness. In the middle of my video a dog breaks free from it's human parents and comes straight towards me. We established that there was a spiritual reason why the dog chose to run to me full speed as I had no food, nor was I the only one anymore in the whole park. I was talking about our personal power and how we don't need to seek power outside of us. I was…well you can watch the video and you can see how divine the moment was for yourself.


When I came home I opened the pics I took and tapped the Bixby vision on my Android phone(to all you iPhone users I don’t know the equivalent lol) and it found the type of bird that it was. I had never even knew about or used this technology so I was thankful that it was available to me when I wanted it. It brought back the results of a Vermillion Flycatcher also known as a Scarlett or Australian Flycatcher and according to the very few articles I found, its often found in the southwestern us, australia, mexico, south america and very often in Arizona (even though this was my first time seeing it since I've moved to Arizona).


I looked at a few websites but this one resonated with the energy that I was brought to realize at the time I saw the bird. Sonomabirding.com says, "These birds are symbolic of the little things in life. Their spirits are highly aware of everything going on in their surroundings, no matter how small or insignificant they might seem.


They tell us that everything that’s happening to us is part of a bigger plan, and we should dismiss nothing as unnecessary. There has to be a meaning behind it; you have to pay attention to these things, and you will never be caught by surprise."

This was so accurate and it was a beautiful reminder that I'm on the right path in noticing how all things that are showing themselves to me are connected to my path and something I specifically will benefit from looking at. I am always challenging myself to be a more expanded, aware and wiser version of myself and in that challenge it is also a challenge in itself to just BE who I am at any given moment without looking to do anything more than just being.

So first I'd like to preface this is an article from few years ago, 2017 to be exact, that resurfaced while i was researching my notebooks in OneNote on what I personally experienced with Kundalini. Thing is, I realize I never posted the article. The issues I have been having recently have been around self expression. Since this article was written i have gotten married and I had a baby. Many times we allow attachment to things and the fear of loss cloud our memory of who we are. I have been often times forgetting who the fuck I am AND my power. This article was a beautiful reminder of it all as this was right before I was guided to move to Arizona to continue my journey.

​I had this crazy dream that Dave Chapelle and I were about to have sex but kept getting interrupted by family. Then I had a bag of snakes in both of my hands. We tried to get away to a private island but still got interrupted. Later in the dream after our umpteenth unsuccessful time of trying to have sex I dropped the snakes on the bed; they weren't trying to harm me, they were just there as if they were comfortable. We still tried to have sex around them but it wasn't happening, as we were interrupted ultimately by my mom and my uncle. I thought this dream was so random because one, I haven't watched Dave in a long time, nor have I heard about him recently or seen him on T.V; Second, I had no idea why I wanted to have sex with him because I have no attraction to him what so ever, I mean not in the least bit; third, this was the second night in a row that I had a dream about a celebrity that I have heard nothing about in a very long time. So I sought to interpret this dream and its importance.

So rewind to the weeks before…

I have previously been undergoing a spiritual cleansing and I have been getting fed with ideas and inspiration, as well as praying and being grateful for the things that are holding me back to be cleared. I specifically asked to be cleared of certain issues causing me to attract the same situations that I do not desire over and over again. At this point I am in my first Saturn return, my 29th year and I am having to truly, and I mean Truly (with a capital T) face my dark side. I'd been asking that I get through this phase as my awareness of it has been pretty keen, but it seemed there was something I was not seeing because of certain underlying fears being projected.

Well, Whatdoyaknow, all of a sudden I get sick and I'm ridden with something like a cold, I haven't passed it to anyone, my daughter was experiencing the same but we weren't in the same household, then she came with me and I took her to a pediatrician but the doctor said she didn't have a cold nor the flu, but still prescribed a medicine for her cough. Of course I didn't get the medicine, because we didn't need medicine; but I didn’t consciously decide that, long story. I'm still transitioning to a natural lifestyle in the interim. My daughter has been somewhat a role as my healer and path indicator, but as I heal I see certain changes in her, even being away from her for a few weeks it's like as I change she changes.

I was told by a very in tuned friend of mine that my cold may be due to my clearing and empathing those that I have been helping to heal. I then had an unexpected miscommunication that really bothered me, that brought back memories of an old wound, however, I quickly got over it and the difference was this person apologized and admitted that they were out of line. In which I had a dream a few weeks prior and that old wound person apologized to me, the irony is that it was happening in my physical reality, but through a different vessel. My question though was why did this come back up for me, is it still lying dormant? But seeing the order of things, it was more a part of my clearing than anything.

So back to my dream…

I researched what snakes could mean in the way it showed up in my dream and it mentioned an awakening of Kundalini Energy. Now, I have not dedicated much to learning about Kundalini energy, but I have been open to understanding it if it is meant for me to understand. What I have heard is people using sexual energy and kundalini energy interchangeably. So it was no surprise that sex but no sex was inside of my dream as well.

Leading up to my dream, I had been open and asking my guides, my angels and higher self to guide me to where my soul wishes to go, and that is exactly what is happening. It even led me to writing an amazing book and though my book is mostly based in my experience, some of the interpretations I wrote, I was uncomfortable with. That's how I know truth from false, that same feeling. The solution was to find out how to access the Akashic Records to clarify the truth of it.

I have a good friend that seems to always be in sync with me, when I ask the universe for knowledge he just picks up on it and emails me. He has been sending me resources on accessing the Akashic Records. This friend told me that I know more than I give myself credit for, and I agreed. My ex told me this same thing in a random phone call out of the blue. I had another friend tell me I was an oracle and that I possessed all of the knowledge I needed to possess, that I didn’t need anyone to teach me how to get into the Astral Realm. Well, he was right! My dream was within the last 48 hours, and I decided to try this Akashic Records thingy; I sat there and I closed my eyes and went into a meditation state and I recorded it to see how long it took me. It took me a matter of 6 minutes to go get the information, bring it back, see it, dissect it, and discern it. I had two questions a "future" and a "past" question; and they were answered very vividly.( future and past is quoted because there is none, everything is happening right now)

When I went back the second time, I put on high frequency sounds, and it was to find out information about my existence, so when I went back it took me deeper into the ether, and I started literally vibrating and moving in an out of control way only to be straightened back up and taken into my destination. I returned all three records at the same time but it made me return the highest vibrating one first. I will talk more detail about my Akashic experience in another post for now I just want to give you a visual on my experience upon this Kundalini Awakening realization.

When I returned from the Akasha, I was literally still vibrating and my crown chakra was wide open. My head started hurting as if it was a really bad migraine. Something told me to ground myself, so I visualized myself being grounded and started to do a bit of stretching and deep breathing exercises.

I then get a phone call from this friend who told me it was easy to access the records and I couldn't wait to tell him how easy it was for me. The first thing he said was "oh yeah you got that Kundalini energy." So then later after joking around a bit and chatting it up, I tell him my dream and he immediately associates the snakes in both of my hands as an awakening of my kundalini energy. My dream research already confirmed this Kundalini awakening; synchronicity at its best.

Then I researched Kundalini online and I come across this article and I will quote verbatim. What I read, basically confirmed much of what I had been experiencing. "For those who actually experience a kundalini awakening, they often do receive these benefits ; however, what they are most often faced with is the profound clearing of negative energy that can take place over a long period of time—energy that often is released with uncomfortable physical accompaniments of “clearing” through bodily processes such as loose bowel movements, nose and chest congestion, headaches, and a host of other discomforts that may last a brief or a significantly long amount of time.

While you are undergoing such a clearing, you may think you have come down with the flu or have caught a cold. One way to tell this isn’t so is that you actually don’t look sick! Quite the contrary, you may have a glowing look of health as the body actually rids itself of the negative energy that has been held in memory in the body’s cells. While you feel off, a good thing is actually happening in your body.

In my experience, at times like this, one should not take the usual stomach, cold or flu medications for these events—this will only add to the substances the body will need to discharge." you can read the rest of the post here.

I felt tons of excitement that all of this is related to clearing in my Kundalini energy, in this moment that I had to come write a blog post about it. I had to share it as I desire to help those who are on the path to awakening know that they are not alone, so as I experience certain things I hope you will receive the benefits of me sharing this experience with you.

UPDATE: It is said that many people have an awakening by accident and usually that is a safe way to experience it. Krishna was said to have awakened it by accident after 17yrs of devout spiritual work. I believe as we expand our consciousness into other dimensions, the more connected we feel, and we experience things much faster than in the "past." By doing your inner guided spiritual work, things happen that we only read about in books, but often times wont truly find HOW to do so in a book. Its even said that some are born with Kundalini Awakening, so I truly believe if its meant for you on your soul path, you will be guided into such experiences. Looking back on my dreamy mom and uncle have been connected to how i feel about myself and the human shit that i have been allowing to make me feel powerless. So i believe the dream was telling me this is what was blocking my kundalini. My friend helped tie the intepretation together for me. Dave Chappelle represent an I dont give af attitude and he speaks whats on his mind, no matter what. That is what I need to unlock in me in order for me to be able to access my own power. I need to first remember that I have this power! Its who the fuck I am and stop playing small! Stop hiding!

I said I would come back and speak you based on my last post, but I honestly forgot I even wrote the post! I'll blame the pregnancy brain. :) I am now going on 5 months and we are having a baby girl. I feel a lot of peace, but there has been this one thing that has been a recurring theme in my spirit. ACCEPTANCE. What is all of this about acceptance you may ask? Well, I realize so much in my life I have never been able to accept what is truly happening right now. There is always this extreme focus on the future or a focus on the past.

When I was sick earlier in my pregnancy all I could think about was my last pregnancy and how it wasn't this bad. My pain was trying to put me in the now, but I thought by trying to think positive thoughts and deny it, it would eventually go away. I thought though the doc gave me a diagnosis for my health issues along with me being pregnant that somehow I could think my way out of it the pain. During that time of trying to deny my current health situation, I realized that nothing was working so I started back meditating. Sure, I fell off a bit....ok a lot from sitting and hearing. I was rushing the process, but why in all things there is a journey, why rush? In the material world we have nothing but time. Time may not exist in the ethereal world but that is not where we mainly reside in this now moment.

My body was calling me to pay attention to it, love on it, release the shame and guilt of my past, release the shame & guilt of my now. I realized in my silence that a part of me knew I deserved the love and peace I have now but another part of me felt guilty for it because I'm not who I have envisioned myself to be at this point in my life. The ironic part is many of the things I said I wanted to do by 30 I am actually experiencing, just not in the way that I thought I would. It's like we pray for things and then when we get it, we don't recognize or appreciate the circumstances we have that made what we desire possible. Speaking for self, I know I've put in much self work, but when I am not expressing myself fully I feel stagnant, I feel worthless, I feel like I'm hiding. My book would have been finished but I was fearful, shameful and I was hiding. Why? I have been afraid of how others will receive my words, the pain of the possible backlash, the ability of peoples words to stick to my mental like glue having to work extra hard to scrub it off. My grandmother asked for a copy of my book and while I said out loud of course you will get a copy, I know how religious my family is and I know how non religious this book title is. Don't F*ck Yourself, Love Yourself. Ok, grandma, I got you lol. But there goes that shame, the shame of stepping into who I see myself to be, I have the bricks laid, the foundation, the building, the blueprint, all I need to do is show up to present it but instead I choose to by default experience the pain of not showing up to avoid the possibility of a future pain that may never happen.

​The pain our bodies experience is not just about our body, it is about our spiritual warfare and mental blocks. It is calling for us to accept where we are so we can look at where we are. If you cant accept the truth of a situation, there is no way you can begin to be open for solutions. Many of us spend our lives in denial of the truth because once we face it, then we would have to do something about it. However, you will have to face it one way or another because guess what? It will manifest in our body and/or in our experience. It will create pain for us and unless you are a masochist, you don't want to feel that pain; you will try to do everything to rid yourself of that pain.

Many of us think ignoring it and keep going, do what you gotta do regardless, don't show our weakness, prove we can push through, prove we can go on no matter the circumstances, no matter the struggle,mama said I ain't bleeding so I'll be alright, people will respect us more for it, versus sitting around wallowing in pity, feeling sorry for ourselves, sleeping life away, giving up cause the going gets tough, not doing what it takes, etc. The reality doesnt really look like that. Those are filters and conditions our subconscious was programmed with by those around us and what we think others expect from us.

What is real is that your body is experiencing pain so you can acknowledge your now. Yes, when our muscles are hurting it means we are getting stronger, however it doesnt mean we have to be in pain, we can stretch or do yoga and get massages and rest those muscles and that pain starts to minimize and our workouts can become more intense and now we can get closer to meeting our goal because we have faced the initial pain head on. Its game time. What did you have to do to rid that pain? You had to accept yes, I've been working hard so now I must give my muscles the attention it needs and I also must rest. There is no guilt or shame in resting your muscles because that's just how it is. If I want to be stronger, healthier, leaner, or more energized this is what I have to do. Why is it any different in our lives. Why do we feel guilty for resting, giving ourselves the time and self care we need to go on? The muscles we are activating is our spiritual muscle, we are taught the physical aspects but not the mental & spiritual aspects. We arent taught how to identify and diagnose a spiritual or mental warfare on our own. Instead of denying it because we dont know consciously, we must ask ourselves what am I resisting? What truth about myself am I resisting? I realized I was not accepting the simplest truth which was I am experiencing a thing right now. The second part was, I'm not accepting that I still have this inner issue to deal with. I was disappointed that all of the counseling and Therapy, Hypnotherapy, Reiki, and my connection to Great Spirit was not enough to keep me healed from this. I couldn't understand how I was such a good person and I do right by people but still end up in "negative" predicaments all rooted in the same issue. I thought once I "fixed" myself or healed then I was good, there would be a new issue to face, but nooo everytime I think I'm healed I realize that a lot of the shit is still hiding under the toilet seat. I got rid of a lot of it but there are still traces.

So, what now? There is nothing else to do but keep cleaning. I keep cleaning, but I can only do it properly if I'm looking at it, I can't expect it to get clean by looking away and scrubbing at the same time. That's what writing and meditation does for me. It helps me look at my shit and tells me how to deal with it. I may not always have the answer but I do know I must accept that the shit is there and my hand and cleaning tool will be guided by the ultimate cleaner on exactly where to go to clean. I must take action on my part though. I cant just look at it and expect it to get clean nor can I go to a fellow healer and ask them to clean it for me. What happens if they clean it and then the build up comes back? You won't recognize it when it starts to build early and you won't know how to clean so you will always have to depend on another to clean for you.

​I'm now completing the formatting phase of my book about to finish my book cover and send it off to publishing. I'm coming out of the closet, no longer hiding, facing a hurdle that I am looking forward to jumping over open to and appreciating in advance the rainbows and stars aligning with my jump!

So my husband and I are pregnant! I thought maybe i could come over here and document all of these experiences. This is my second pregnancy but it feels much more different than the first eight years ago. Ive been having crazy migraines in which could be attributed to my hormone changes, since my blood pressure is normal. So far nothing has truly relieved them for good. Anywho, I feel like being pregnant is such an amazing spiritual journey. It shows you so much about yourself, life, and the universal process of creation. Im especially interested in the wisdom this particular pregnancy will bring to me since I am much further along in my spiritual journey, i am stable in a home, married, already working from home, my relationships are more loving and of quality and I am much more aware than I was before.

So in effort to relieve these headaches, feeling even more stressed because my girlfriend and I have a workshop planned this weekend and guess what it's called?? FLOW THROUGH STRESS, to be honest I have never been so thankful that we didnt get any RSVPs so I dont feel much obligation and before knowing about my migraines, she called and asked if we should cancel it, she was feeling led to cancel already, seeing as there some how ended up being so much confusion on the promotion of it, wont get into those details...but the point is the stars just hadnt been aligning. The irony of it all is the stress relief is just what I need for myself. They say we teach what we need...so there we go...I mean though my life is somewhat stable there are still a lot of stressors, some brought on by my lavish desires to travel & eat good, others brought on by career stress like finishing my book, letting go of being a perfectionist,lack of excitement in this rural town of Tucson, missing my babygirl as she is gone for the summer, bouts of loneliness when my husband is working, doing tons of innerwork and realizing things about myself, missing my culture (Black & Atlantian),real estate deal pressures, the desires to make money whilst I live fully in my purpose, yet possibly thwarted or post poned by my desire to focus fully on nurturing this new life, body pains and starting a new eating & excercise regimen, etc. I mean I could go on and on but all of this, just thinking about gave me a knock in the crown of my head. My spirit is telling me to release all of my cares to it, no worries, but it's difficult. Im always fine when it comes to me but when other lives are involved...STRESS!

My friend let me use his prime as he recommended I watch Legend of Korra...wasnt too keen on purchasing episodes cause that's just something I don't do, but a recommendation movie came up called The Last Airbender. I dont know about you, but these movies have a Matrix like effect on me, I immediately see the reflection of reality as well as spiritual wisdom and this had tons of it hidden in the metaphors of the elements of fire, water, earth and air. One of the teachers said "Water teaches us acceptance we must allow our emotions to flow like water" and he told the boy in order to move forward he had to let go of grief and feel it and stop trying to bury it, he definitely didnt want to allow his grief to cause so much anger in him that he hurt those who killed his family, his purpose was clearly bigger than vengeance as you will see if you watch the movie...however it spoke to me because the biggest part of my physical & spiritual journey was onset by grief, anger, and eventually feelings around vengeance, it was just for different reasons than him but the same nonetheless. I reeeaallly want to finish this post buut my head keeps feeling like someone is taking a hammer to my head so I will finish this discussion later, i didn't have much more to say except how the movie never mentioned Qi Gong but it led me to get up and practice it..it brought temporary relief...maybe if i would have done it more accurately to the practice, it could have done more for me so it led me to research Qi Gong and pregnancy...regardless i had a lovely meditative experience using the moves I previously learned...Maybe Ill tell you more about that in my next post. I am going to attempt to rest now. Good night my beautiful conscious co-creators!

I went into dating isolation for a few months, is it necessary? For some yes, but healing is an ongoing process, I have come to understand that relationships are how we support our healing journey whether it be intimate or friendship wise. Relationships hold a mirror to what's inside of us, therefore it's more important to enter into relationship with awareness of self, accepting that as humans there is always something that we are working on...that is life...the question would be what exactly does being healed look like? Is that the end? Are we broken then suddenly fixed? It's ongoing & what we think we fixed is merely apart of our human nature that we must keep in check by being aware of our (God)dess nature...

It is the enlightened one who knows they do not need a relationship to be their best selves, but they also need relationships to become their best selves. It is a divine dichitomy. Does your best self come flawless? As a human, I think not. Humans by nature are flawed, yet perfection, because it is by design that we are flawed. This is due to the fact we must grow to understand our Highest Nature and in order to do that we must understand our Lowest Nature. Can we know cold if we don't know hot? Understanding our lower nature requires keen observation aka awareness, coupled with experience. The purpose of relationship is experience.

So, to answer the question, no, it is not necessary that you wait until you are healed to be in a relationship. However, alone time does allow you to see your own natural tendencies without the human energetic interference of ego. There is no one to judge you while you are alone, there lies no motivation to please another while alone. The goal becomes about pleasing oneself... what pleases me? What are my innermost desires? You learn to know these and you work to accept these parts of you and then you can enter in relationship as honest as possible, including having the awareness that we are not perfection, yet here I am...and here you are...do you accept that I am ever remembering my Goddess nature and that we are here to remind each other of that very nature? Do you accept that who I know myself to be today, may not be who I am tomorrow? Do you accept me as I am?

As you elevate yourself within relationships your perspectives change and the way we experience our relationship changes too. If I believe all men are dogs, that is a faulty belief but I will see through the filter of that belief. My relationships will reflect that belief back to me. He will be a dog in my eyes therefore I will treat him that way by subconscious actions manifesting physically. I will experience his primative nature, hands down, no doubt about it. If I attract someone that does not display this nature we will eventually become "unequally yoked" because who I believe you are, is not who you are, we will vibrate apart. If who I believe you are is who you think you are,then we will vibrate for quite a while, reenacting what we believe we are, experiencing who we believe we are to each other...Until one of us awakens to the reality that who we thought we were, was an illusion, and who we are is higher in nature, then we will either adapt these beliefs together, we will vibrate apart or grow into resentment.

Most people in relationships do not realize that relationships are merely tools, tools to unlock the keys that drive us towards our higher nature OR our lower nature if we let it. The question is, do you desire a relationship that supports and reminds you of your higher nature, a relationship that supports and reminds you of your lower nature or one that acknowkedges both. Therefore, it boils down to merely a choice when deciding to enter into this relationship. Which one do YOU want?

So there is this big ass hive of bees on the side of our house. It seems like the queen bee is tired and they are protecting her until she is ready to move on... so if you know me well, you know I find synchronicity everywhere. I'm like, "The Universe is showing me this or telling me that," ...then Great Spirit leads me right to the insight I need!

If you are into animal totems, signs, and a deeper meaning to things than just what we see on the surface then read on...

What I have been feeling today is overwhelmed... I have A LOT to do and on top of it I am a full time momprenuer with my hand in many jars...I flow when there are no deadlines but that is not always a reality and the ideas around deadlines in the past made things feel like extra work for me; as well as getting distracted by one business task over another task or a mommy or household task. It always made me 2nd guess what I'm doing because I must feel joy in what I'm doing or I lose the desire to do it, so in finding my own harmony between my creative space and work, I have gained little nuggets that have helped me to break through and keep pushing with discipline...but I have been seeking the bigger picture between merging spirituality and business, harmonizing these two without feeling separate...

So anywho, I was just expressing to one of my girlfriends and my husband about how I was feeling about my work life balance...my girlfriend told me to hire out, maybe get an assistant, my husband told me it was a good problem to have, then we began discussing the bees and not wanting to kill them, then we got into a humourous exchange of how mother nature sees us humans and how we treat her and etc...so of course we called a beekeeper for advice first...but as soon as we were talking about mother nature, the wind blew and broke the giant mirror on the side of the house where the bees were, so of course we didnt want chards of giant glass everywhere so we went & cleaned it up...the bee's were no bother, I was even, maybe foolishly thinking of letting the bees coexist for a bit maybe for some honey or something, it was definitely just a thought, too many what if's... but I took the mirror breaking as representation of a breakthrough. I havent looked that up, I trust my spirit on that one because my spirit was already telling me what was going on with me and the bees before connecting the two but I was curious at what the bees were trying to tell me...

On google, I look up the "metaphysical meaning of a traveling beehive on house" I clicked on the link where my spirit led me and something made me skip the first 8 paragraphs completely and the paragraph that came to my awareness said this,

"Bee spirit animal challenges us to accept the roles we have in life. There is a value to dividing up labor and having a job description. There’s a security and a freedom in that. When we embrace the work we have to do in our lives and really put ourselves into it, we can truly benefit the whole. Of course, the downside of this is when we go numb to the routine of life. The bee totem animal can help us find the joy and the creativity in playing our discrete roles. By not being everything to everybody or not being the queen bee, we can specialize, focus on the work at hand, and be really good at what we do."

This was nothing but confirmation for me...another funny synchronicity is the bee people said they will leave in 48 to 72hrs & I'm leaving town within 48 to 72hrs for a Holistic Wellness event my Spirit sister & I are WORKING at! I get excited about the subtle AND the not so subtle signs the Universe throws my way! That's the joy in the journey for me...that's how I see the light within chaos...chaos is always trying to tell me something. I am always seeking ways of showing up more alive and vibrant not withering away in a rat race🙏🏾
​

OK! Full Moon in Taurus while she is also sitting directly across from her opposition in Scorpio!  This time everything may seem magnified, but don't fret this is the perfect time to weather your inhibitions, in other words face those inner desires and needs, then figure out what to do with them, journaling or meditation helps.  Introspection and enjoying the fruit of your labor while opposition seems to try to creep up is nothing if got yo Sun blockers on.  You win more bee's with honey so instead of being at war with your dark side of Scorpio, butter up this internal bread and use to your advantage in this sweet spot where all of the planets and sign influencers of Mercury(ruler of communication),  Venus(love), Jupiter(prosperity), & the Sun(power) are in Scorpio during Scorpio season!


SIMPLIFIED EXPLANATION


To simplify things, the Moon is in Taurus.... Scorpio is Taurus' exact opposite as far as the zodiac is concerned. We know Taurus is earth energy, stable, common practical sense, ability to get things done, stubborn, fixed, preserver of change, maintainer of the status quo, the polarity of Taurus is equivalent to yin and considered a negative sign i.e. masculine. These two being opposite signs of each other Taurus, earth & fixed and Scorpio, water & fixed, they can help each other out, where Taurus is immovable, it will require Scorpio energy to loosen up a little bit, utilize the passion of Scorpio energy. Create new habits, but don’t be so stubborn and not be willing to switch things up just a little bit…not too much, this is a time to do things in a more traditional way, not trying to reinvent the wheel, do some self-care, spend some time in nature, face your dark side, use the energy of Scorpio to go into self-reflection and to see where things can flow better, be creative in art and music, use this moon to ask for a raise or give yourself a raise, pay yourself, pay your bills, don't overdo it, be practical but be willing to take a small risk without breaking the bank and spend on yourself, take a moment of silence, brush up on your financial skills like budgeting and finding a way that will work for you to stick to it, think about comfort and self-indulgence, fine foods, try to choose healthier alternatives.  Speak your truth during this time, stand up for what you believe in, accept newness in your life as it comes, don’t fear change. 


Sensual energy may be felt strongly be careful. Work on your marriage or relationships by making subtle changes, but look at why things are not working and see where you can make changes.  Don't fall into bed with troublesome lovers or people you get a bad feeling about consequences could be exponential.  Don't call that mistress or side dude you was trying to avoid. This is a time you will seek pleasure but don't be blind in your seeking. 


You may also see somethings manifesting that you put in place 6 months ago coming to fruition and harvesting. The full moon is harvesting time for all of those seeds you planted during the corresponding new moon, so don’t be surprised if your day is going immaculate, neutral or going to shit…these are seeds that have been planted, don't worry if it seems to be going to shit, because all you have to do is use this as an opportunity to do things differently in the following new moon.  You will plant different seeds because you understand the power of your manifestations.  Whatever you put in place during this time may be based in permanence so be cautious. Use this time to be in the now and bring yourself to a peaceful state.  Imagine yourself feeling peaceful by thinking about a situation using your senses as they are all magnified during this Taurean full moon. 


This time is amazing for financial increase since many of the major planet influencers are in the same sign, communication, love, prosperity and power are all natural traits of a functioning Taurus, and they are amplified by being in Scorpio because though Scorpio is opposing Taurus, they are technically complimenting each other by having you to face both the positive and negative aspects of these qualities. Now, don’t be greedy or lazy during this time…I mean lazy as in not doing anything, you can relax but let that relaxation have intentions behind it, and use this time to show yourself love and care.  Don’t hoard your money during this time, whatever you put out will benefit you during this time, maybe even multiply. Don’t worry about whatever you are dealing with today, there may be a lot of people getting sick during this time reminding you to take care of your body and your health.  Don't neglect this time.  The energy is soo powerful during this time.  This is a powerful time today, don't sleep on it, literally and figuratively.

​Let's face it Millennials and Gen Z consumers are tired of being lied to.  

There is a shift in the ether that is effecting us all; however, the ones that are experiencing the shift in a positive way are those that are coming into integrity with themselves and those around them, and those that are stuck in old habits and old ways will miss the boat. Hence why these traditional stores that were once big time retail giants that stepped on anyone's toes that came to challenge them are shutting down.  They were in control, they had the big bucks and they knew how to get in your head marketing wise.  They knew how to attract the consumers by making it seem like if you weren't shopping with them something was wrong with you and now they are clueless.  Even though many are shifting to an online presence, it is not enough to just go online. These consumers are demanding an authentic experience and they have the dollars so they have the control.  On the other side of it, they don't even have a need to purchase in the way that people used to purchase.

According to Forbes.com, "Millennial and Gen Z consumers want products that are:

*Locally sourced,
*ethically made with fair salaries paid to everyone in the supply chain,
*environmentally friendly,
*Artisanal,
*authentic, 
*Experiential"

The shift is calling for us to have more integrity with each other, as this generation is needing something more fulfilling.  They are shifting from the newest traditions of religion and trends and following their intuition.  Intuition is the way to go and we are seeing that more and more now as artists and creators are finally getting their just due and no longer dying a "struggling artist".  This generation is working together and standing together on social change, they are standing in their truth and demanding respect. 

There are so many ways to create income in this technological age.  With technology people can create fake personas but they are exposed quickly as the power of a button spreads over the masses in almost seconds.  These companies can no longer lie and keep things under wraps as whatever they try to plan or get through under the radar is being exposed by the touch of a share button.  No one truly noticed the racism in Dove's ads until the power of the internet came into play. 

Not to mention the touch of a button can also have something sitting on your door step in hours, no lines, no gas, no Uber or Lyft, no decision paralysis, and so on.  You even can download an app on your phone and voila`! There is no need to waste time shopping when you can fill your time with other things that are more fulfilling.

Not only is this generation finding more income through the technology age, they are no longer needing the summer job money or after school money as they profit from the YouTube era and other means of income through social media, eCommerce and local sourcing to include creative opportunities.  Though not every one is making a killing via online means, they do have high hopes to, therefore, spending their free time trying to either "make it big" doing what they love or create a new legacy for those to follow, who has time for a job in retail?     

Our generation is now understanding how marketing is a form of hypnosis.  Instead of marketers trying to get your attention and influence you to desire them, they have to tailor themselves to your desires, hence why algorithms in Google and Facebook pay attention to what you are interested in browsing and they offer marketing suggestions based off of that.  It's not enough just to make a funny or emotionally moving commercial to get you to desire a product as most of us are able to flip past the commercials with Hulu, Netflix, and other on demand companies.  They have to meet Millennials and Gen Z consumers where they are. 

This generation is breaking free from their parent's strict rules as they see how certain discipline did not serve them.  They are breaking free from the lies told by society to keep them in line.  They are coming into their own and their intuition is leading the way.  Our intuition is our soul's desires manifesting through us and the soul desires us to be true to ourselves.  As we are true to ourselves we demand truth from others.  The wool is not staying put over the eyes of this generation, so if you want to stick around, you will have to intuitively get with the program.

Here is a list of the store closings around the U.S.*

• Payless ShoeSource - 400 stores
• JC Penney - 138 stores
• Macy's - 68 stores
• Sears and K Mart - 150 stores
• HH Gregg - 88 stores
• Abercrombie & Fitch - 60 stores
• Guess - 60 stores
• The Limited - 250 stores
• Wet Seal - 171 stores
• American Apparel - 110 stores
• BCBG - 120 stores
• GameStop - 150 stores
• Radio Shack - 550 stores
• Staples - 70 stores
• CVS - 70 stores
• Gander Mountain - 32 stores
• Family Christian - 240 stores
• Toy R Us- 735 stores
• Foot Locker – 110 stores
• Best Buy cell phone stores – 250 stores
• Sam’s Club – 63 stores
• Michael Kors – 100 to 125 stores
• Ascena Retail Group (Ann Taylor, Loft, Dress Barn, Lane Bryant, Justice ) – At least 268 stores
              *Courtesy of forbes.com and clarkhoward.com

The fast food and grocery store chains have taken hits as well as consumers demand integrity and go to local sources.  You can click on this article about the trusted Trader Joe's, and see just how much people are demanding transparency, they don't care how much they have shopped with you.  There are associations popping up left and right to demand to know the truth.  People are even shifting to making their own products.  There is no more hiding, so if you aren't willing to have integrity, don't even worry about going into business.  No, it's not "just business" anymore.

Of course this is my own perspective, which is limited to what I see, feel free to share your perspective in the comments!